Chessmaster's
Brain
by Matevž
Hönn
In the middle
of December, we hold solid position on the Red
Square. She stops suddenly, declaring: “I
love you Victor.”
Saint Aljehin! What shall I say now? What are my
options! Think Victor think! It’s your move.
I could respond with Shakespeare’s attack:
“Ask
me not why my love for thee…”
No! No! She
won’t understand a word. Think fast Victor!
I could surprise opponent with Groff Dracula
sacrifice:
“O
Love let me take care of that pulsating vein on
your beautiful neck and you’ll win one way
ticket to Transylvania.”
To
conservative, to pessimistic! Think Victor, you
are running short of time! How about Ron
Jeremy’s answer from Naughty
Housewife’s 7:
“And
my circumcised 25 cm love you too…suck it
good…that’s it baby…”
My Capablanca,
that would be worse than World War II. It seems
she whispers “Victor” again. I shall
use Sicilian defence, it is so popular nowadays.
I got you baby, Sicilian defence, Michael
Corleone variant.
“You
broke my heart Fredo. You are not my brother
anymore…see our mother before you go
home…”
Dear Fisher!
It will be catastrophe if I use it now! The snow
is pilling on her blue cap, while cold sweat is
cooling my spine. I have to neutralize this
pressure. Grandmaster Petrosian recommends French
exchange variation in such situation, but it is
to goddamn cold for swinging with tongue in this
winter. I’m dead man. Maybe not…maybe
not. What does eastern philosophy teach us! Ha!
Art of War, Sun Tzu gambit!
“If
you don’t know how strong the enemy is, just
wait. Patience will be awarded. Let him make
first move.” I got you, I got you know!
I have plenty of time actually. Wait Victor! Wait
and you will win it easily. 1 sec…2.
sec…3 sec…
Tears are
swelling in her blue eyes. “Victor!
Victor…say something…”
Fuck Chinese
philosophy, fuck! All my pieces are trapped. I am
losing this match! Let’s try something new!
How did Bush respond to banners “WE LOVE
BUSH!” on republican’s convention in
Dallas?
“Thank
you…thank you! We must continue fighting
against evil! We must attack terrorists before
they attack us. This people don’t love
freedom and they don’t love our freedom and
they don’t love us who want freedom!”
I won’t
win her heart with this, I am 100% sure I
won’t. I wonder what was wrong with Laura. I
better offer a draw.
“Victor…”
I need
breakthrough, let me try Stallone counterattack.
How come, I didn’t think about it before!
The final scene of Rocky I. Sly, bloody and
busted roaring in the middle of ring:
“Adrian!!
Adrian!!”
O…I will
shout! I will shout so loud, that Putin will hear
me in Kremlin…I will shout so loud that
Lenin will flee from mausoleum. My time is up!
Let’s finish this. But her name is not
Adrian, she is goddamn Svetlana. She will cremate
me if I call her Adrian. O…my…
“I knew
it Victor! Goodbye!” She runs away.
“No…No…”
I shout after her: “You didn’t give me
enough time to think it over…Let’s have
rematch tomorrow!”
She runs even
faster.
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