A Nun Walks Into
A Library...
by Roz Warren
The nun, a
petite, grey-haired woman, came up to the
circulation desk and handed me a video. It was
“Streisand: The Concert.”
“I have a
little problem,” she said. “I purchased
this video for our convent at your library last
week.”
Our patrons
often donate used videos to the library. We no
longer include videos in our collection, so we
put them out for sale.
“I paid a
dollar for this,” she said.
“And it
didn’t work?”
“It
worked just fine,” she said dryly.
“That’s the problem.”
“I
don’t understand.”
“Once a
week, my convent screens a movie for all the
sisters. It’s my job to select the films.
We’ve gotten some great movies from
your sale table. Many of the sisters are
Streisand fans. So when I saw this, I thought
I’d picked a winner.”
“A lot of
people like Streisand,” I said
noncommittally. I still didn’t know where
this was going.
“We all
gathered in the convent library. I inserted the
video and pressed play. And ----“ she leaned
forward and lowered her voice, “the screen
filled up with naked people!”
“What?”
“We’re
all sitting there, watching these naked men
and women cavorting around on screen,
doing…. well, doing some very surprising
things. Sister Mary Kate finally asked, ’When’s
the singing going to start?’ Which is when I
grabbed that video right out of the player and
took a good look at it. On the label it said
‘Swedish Erotica!’”
“I’m
very sorry, Sister,“ I said.
I knew what
must have happened. Somebody had taken their porn
film out of its original box and hidden it in
what they thought was a safe place. What could be
more innocuous than a Streisand concert? Somehow
that very special “Streisand concert”
ended up being donated to our library, probably
by a family member who was doing a little spring
cleaning.
“I’d
like my dollar back, please,” said the nun.
Although
library policy is to sell videos “as
is” and not issue refunds, I handed that
dollar right over. Along with a sincere apology. “Please
choose another video for your convent’s
library, free of charge,” I told her.
“In fact, please take several.”
“Thank
you,” she said. “I believe I will.”
She headed off to our sale table, an acquisitive
gleam in her eye.
From time to
time, the image of that room full of nuns
watching Swedish erotica pops into my head. And,
God help me, it always makes me smile.
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