THE DR.
PHILBILLY SHOW - The Kung-Fu Armadillo
by Wayne Carlan
Ok…one
night I heard the dogs going nuts in the front
yard about 2am. I get up, stagger half asleep to
the kitchen and grab my weapon of choice, a broom.
As I go investigate I peek a look out the window
and don‘t see a thing, so I creep open the
door and poke out my head for a peek…
nothing. As I slowly survey the perimeter of my
yard there it is, something moves in the bushes.
I poke it with my weapon and the bush moves
violently.
Dannnng! What
the heck?
All of a
sudden the biggest armadillo I have ever seen
charges me. This dang thing must have weighed 35
lbs and had bionic armor. I freak out and start
running around in my front yard with nothing on
but my Tweety Bird boxer briefs and swinging the
broom behind me. I’m screaming like a 12
year old little girl. It finally chases me up to
my front porch banister and I’m perched
there like a rooster with my broom ready for hand
to hand combat. I swing at my enemy and it jumps
straight up about eye level with me doing the
coolest 360 degree karate kick I‘ve ever
seen. This is a Kung-Fu armadillo!
Ok then,
let’s get it on Mr. Armadillo. I twirl my
broom like a half naked redneck ninja and somehow
manage to wack myself in the face. Craaaaap! I
fall off the banister and land square on my back,
the armadillo lands right beside me. We must have
scared each other half to death cause he went one
way and I went the other. Melissa shows up at the
door in a panic wanting to know what’s going
on. Of course I say it was nothing and we go back
to bed. The next day we walk out of the house and
it looked like I had planted a hay field in the
yard. Broom straw was everywhere.
Until we meet
again armadillo, until we meet again…
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