Letter to a
Country Music Station Seeking Funny Guests
by William D. Hicks
Hey Mike:
I heard you on
the radio and I’d love to be part of your
show. Whereas I love country music and I’m a
humor writer…as well as being pretty
humorous in person…this is the reason I
think you should LET me be on your show.
Let me list
the reasons:
1.
I am funny—you are funny. But I know when to
shut up so you can be funny! But do YOU know when??
Just kidding, I love your show. And anybody
else’s show that might let me be on it.
Please forward this letter to them.
2.
You are a man—I am a man. ‘nough said!
3.
Men are better than women….at everything
except giving birth, handling money, and well
let’s be honest about this, putting on
makeup while they’re driving.
4.
I will be discovered on your show…or not!
Well, at least there are lots of things people
will discover about me…some good…well,
I won’t mention the brand of Clinique I use
in MY rearview mirror (I had to test out #3 above
didn’t I?). Being famous has its
benefits—or did you think John & Kate
Plus Eight did if for the money?
5.
I love country music…well, not as much as
those groupies that follow Tim McGraw around
trying to test his marriage, his faith and
well….Faith. Good thing she knows how to
handle a double barreled sawed-off shotgun.
6.
I am a late night person…so I can stay up
that late. Plus, with what I have to say…well
you’d better be 18 years of age or older to
hear it….GoX Dam* It! (expletives deleted
for the reading audience!)
And those are
the six rules to dating me…oops...that’s
another letter!
Anyhow…write
me. As I am funny—you are funny.
Bill
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