THE DR.
PHILBILLY SHOW - Kaboom!
by Wayne Carlan
When I was
about twelve years old I lived in a subdivision
in Gautier, MS. Me and a friend of mine were
riding bikes as usual when we noticed a neighbor
had a trash fire going. So we stopped to take a
closer look…I mean what kid don’t love
a good fire? We got to talking and this man
offered us $5 each to help him clean up his yard.
We get to burn stuff and get paid? Well, heck yea
we’ll help, Mister. (We done hit the jackpot!)
We ditched our
bikes and got to work burning sticks, straw,
leaves, trash and pretty much anything we could
find that would burn. Man, we were having so much
fun, until we ran out of stuff to burn. We had
that yard so clean you could eat off of it but
what were we going to do now? I start plundering
around and found a can of pork and beans on his
carport. He’s never going to eat them if he
hadn’t already, so let’s let the
suckers burn.
I threw the
beans in the fire and never gave them a second
thought. About twenty-three minutes later our
neighbor was stoking up the fire when all of a
sudden, KABOOM! I mean the ground shook, and
shook hard. Me and my friend hit the deck. We
peeked our heads up for a quick look. Craaaaaap!
The can of pork and beans had exploded. It scared
the crap out of us, but not as scared as we were
when our neighbor turned around to look at us
with hot burning pork and beans stuck all over
his face.
To heck with
the $5, he can keep it. I jumped on my bike and
pedaled as fast as my itsy, bitsy little legs
would take me. The next day we felt terrible so
we went by his house to apologize. We stood there
nervously as we rang the door bell. He answers
the door and this poor guy looked like he had a
double dose of the Mongolian Measles. I had my
apology rehearsed in my head but all I could
manage to say was daaaaaaaang!
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