THE DR.
PHILBILLY SHOW - Hush Puppies
by Wayne Carlan
When I was a
teenager I spent the night with a friend and I
went out to eat fish with his family. His mom
boxed up some leftovers and brought it home. My
friend had a brother about 13 and he ended up
falling asleep on the couch, big mistake.
I went to get
some leftover's for a snack and when I saw the
hush puppies I got a brilliant idea. I took 3
hush puppies and walked into the living room by
the couch where he was sleeping. I just stood
there for minute looking at him to make sure he
was really sleeping and not faking it. I almost
wake him up just laughing about what I am about
to do.
He is curled
up in a ball with his face to the back of the
couch, perfect. I slowly pulled back the waist
band on his underwear and dropped one, two, three
hush puppies down the hatch. I then gathered
everyone around and we woke him up saying "Dang
it man, wake up. You have done crapped all over
yourself." He sits up trying to clear his
head and figure out what is going on. He wipes
his eyes, stretches out his arms and lets out a
yawn. Then he gets a strange look on his face. He
wiggles his butt on the couch and the confusion
is written all over his face. Finally he realizes
that there is a strange presence in his drawers
that so shouldn’t be there. When he finally
feels those hush puppies against his naked butt,
the look of confusion quickly changed to a look
of pure terror. He got up running to the bathroom
gagging the whole way and pulling at the bottom
of his drawers.
About half way
to the bathroom he pulls a little too hard and
one hit’s the floor. He starts to panic and
begins to dry heave. He finally makes it to the
bathroom and everything gets real quiet. Then I
heard a distant voice breaking the silence.
"Dang it Wayne, I’m gonna get you. Mom!"
To this day I still can't eat hush puppies
without laughing.
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