THE DR.
PHILBILLY SHOW - Flip Flop
by Wayne Carlan
Ok…I
played in a co-ed softball tournament a few weeks
back to raise money for a friend’s church. I
sprained my left knee, pulled my right hamstring
and my left glute. But I got some ice, Bengay and
Geratol so I think I will live.
The thing was,
as we were getting ready for our first game the
other team was waiting on their last girl player.
All of a sudden a tow truck pulls up and a girl
hops out wearing blue jeans, flip flops, a
Grateful Dead tattoo and a Marlboro hangin’
from her lips. “Well that can’t be her,”
I said to myself, so I keep warming up with a
friend. Then I hear the umpire yell “Play
ball!” Huh? Flip Flop is walking to the
field with a glove. She’s playing right
field and it’s my turn to bat. This is gonna
be great! “Ok, Wayne, just hit it to the
weak spot, right field…”
I step up to
the plate, tap my cleats with the bat, dig in and
stare down the pitcher. He gives me a weak stare,
winds up and throws the first pitch; it’s a
ball. I step back out of the batter’s box,
take a deep breath and prepare for the next pitch.
I tap my cleats a couple of times with the bat
and step back in. The next pitch is a beauty and
I knock the heck out of the ball. It’s deep
to right field and it looks like a home run!
I’m
jogging to first base with my arms raised high in
the air but then, Ms. Grateful Dead hops out of
her flip flops, takes the Marlboro out of her
mouth, runs like a deer to the fence and jumps 6.2
feet in the air catching my home run ball. What
the heck just happened?
Now I guess
this is a good time to tell you that I didn’t
obtain all my injuries playing ball. Most of them
were because I threw my hat on the ground and
kicked it as hard as I could after Ms. Tow Truck
robbed me of my home run. Craaaaap! Then my 16
year old niece, let’s call her Brittany Lee,
knocks one out of the park.
I gotta get me
a pair of them flip flops. I’m just
sayin’!
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