Clowning Around
by M. Allman
My friend,
Lisa, set me up on a blind date with this guy she
described as "fun". I admit I was
spending too many Saturday nights with my cat,
Felix, but hey, he's a good listener, and he
keeps my feet warm.
Anyway, I wore
my new dress and heels because I was not informed
where we’d be going, only that I’d be
picked up at seven.
Promptly at
seven, the doorbell rang. I did a quick hair
check in the mirror and answered the door.
"Are you
ready?" he asked.
What a
clown!
Yes, he was
literally a clown: big red nose, white face with
a painted smile, polka dots, floppy red shoes,
and a huge orange afro.
I wasn't sure
what to say. "So, are we going by your place
first, so you can change?"
"No silly,"
he said, handing me a bouquet of balloon flowers.
I went, but
quickly questioned my judgment.
He led me out
to a tiny car. We crammed ourselves inside and
drove to McDonalds for dinner. All he could talk
about was the wonderful Ronald.
He
complimented me on my outfit with two honks of
his nose, we went to the circus instead of a
movie, and he kept tripping over his floppy shoes
and laughing.
I’m
going to kill Lisa.
Finally around
ten, the nightmare date was over. He walked me to
my door and shook my hand startling me with a
buzzer. He leaned in.
Just kiss
me and go. I closed my eyes expecting a peck
on the cheek, but instead he squirted my face
with his plastic boutonniere. Chuckling, he ran
away.
I went inside
and locked the door behind me. Felix slinked over
and slithered around my legs. "Looks like
it’s just you and me, Felix.”
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