The Very
Religious Man
by Michael S.
Collins
I saw a very
religious man the other day. He wore a hat and
billboard. The hat was nondescript.
The billboard
read “Sex before Marriage Equals Hell after
Death”.
This seemed a
good opportunity for soul searching, so I walked
up to him.
“Good
afternoon, good man.” I said. “Do you
mind if I ask you a deeply theological question?”
"Certainly”
he said. He looked like the stunned Witness asked
to come in for a cup of coffee and a chat about
Jesus.
“Well,
this Hell after Death stuff.” I said.
“I mean, it all sounds well and good, but
how does it work in practice. After all, I’m
a good Christian boy, everyone knows that. But my
friends...they indulge. So by your billboard,
they’d be going to Hell. But if God likes me,
and I’m going to Heaven, and then does that
mean that God will forgive all my friends and
send them up to Heaven with me? After all, he
knows I get lonely easily, and would want me to
be with my loved ones. Or, failing that, would he
send me down to Hell, so I can spend time with
all my loved ones anyhow?”
The very
religious man looked at me, burrowed his eyes
into his face like a mole looking for worms, and
took off down the street, as fast as a man
wearing a billboard can.
He never did
answer my question. Now that’s just rude.
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