Sex And The
White House
by Garrett Socol
Now that
George Bush and his strait-laced posse are out of
office, sex may be alive and well in the White
House once again. For eight years, if
America’s ex-president was feeling frisky at
midnight, First Lady Laura probably whispered,
“No honey, the Secret Service are right
outside the door.”
Michelle and
Barack Obama, on the other hand, appear to be a
lively, active young couple. If Michelle were to
be concerned about those Secret Service men,
it’s not out of the question that her
husband might respond, “Do you want to
invite them in?”
I don’t
mean to suggest that the president and his wife
are wild, warped or unconventionally kinky. I
don’t mean to suggest they’ll turn the
White House lawn into a clothing-optional picnic
area. By all accounts, they possess rock solid
values. Still, the notion of sex in the White
House seems downright wrong, like guzzling Grey
Goose at an AA meeting or conducting a prayer
service at the Playboy Mansion. Of course it
shouldn’t be this way, but neither should
Phil Spector’s hair.
The Obamas are
two of the more attractive White House residents
in recent memory. In the 1950s, people didn't
spend much time considering the carnal activities
of Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower. Ditto for Lyndon
Johnson and his First Lady ‘Lady Bird’
in the 1960s. It was likely both couples believed
sex existed solely for the purpose of procreation
within the bounds of matrimony (though with the
Johnsons, a Stetson cowboy hat may’ve
figured prominently). In contrast, the Kennedys
were young and obscenely beautiful, and it was
assumed they’d engage in White House hanky-panky.
The Clintons were relatively young and attractive,
and it was expected they too would make whoopee
in White House (though not necessarily with each
other).
Some people
might feel it’s in poor taste to discuss the
leader of the free world in this manner, but
we’re living at a time when the governor of
New York patronized a high-priced prostitution
ring, the governor of New Jersey proudly came out
of the closet, and Barbara Walters confessed to
an affair with a married black Senator (even if
the admission was a ploy to help sell her tawdry
memoir). And of course, sexual shenanigans have
always been alive and well throughout every
corner of Europe.
According to
some psychologists, the human male thinks about
sex once every seven minutes. (That number
changes to once every three minutes in France,
Italy and the northern coast of Brazil.) The
danger of copulation is that it adds to
overpopulation, but there’s no denying
it’s a recession-proof activity, therefore
almost as popular as American Idol.
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