It's a Deal
by Eric Miller
Diehl Dewer,
Chief Negotiator for ITUP, Information Technology
United Professionals, took a deep breath, opened
the door, and walked into the cluttered office of
Tory Maird Pitcher, Chief Negotiator for Digital
Doings International, the world's leading
mulitnational technology company.
"El Toro,
how nice it would be to see you again. If you had
road signs in here, perhaps I could negotiate my
way far enough in to actually get you in my sight."
"Very
funny, Dealer Man, just make sure you don't
contract an injury by bumping into something
sharp, like me."
"Sharp is
not precise contract language, Matador,"
Diehl said smiling, as they embraced warmly.
"I get
such a holiday feeling every time these contract
negotiations come around, Diehl. Do you feel what
I feel?"
"I feel
like I'm stepping onto a carousel that will just
go round and round until we both give up."
"Sounds
like you're already planning on circling the
wagons to make your last stand, my friend."
"Come now,
Matador, we both know that where we stand depends
on where we sit at the table."
"Yes,
Dealer Man, and you, of course, will be sitting
with the ITUPers, so entomologically speaking,
you will be standing for the self-serving greed
of the bugs you represent."
"And
etymologically speaking, my dear Matador, greed
is derived, as I'm sure you know, from the Greek
word 'attanotia', which means 'stingy business
owner with pockets stuffed with gold.' We are not
bugs, but rather the bees in your hive producing
the golden honey that makes business owners rich.
Remember, when you get too confident, you get
stung."
"I hear
ITUPer stingers are pretty small, Dealer Man."
"Then,
perhaps it's time for the owners to feel how much
pain those little stingers can cause, Matador."
"Look,
Diehl, with a name like mine, I know when someone's
throwing bull."
"You
would do well, my friend, to remember what
usually happens to the bull in the ring!"
"Sometimes
the bull wins, Diehl."
"The goal
is for us both to walk out of the ring alive, my
friend."
"But it's
so much fun to disagree, isn't it?"
"Yeah,
yeah. But we have to find that elusive common
ground."
"Common
ground? Oh you mean that place filled with
landmines called concessions, don't you?"
"We will
be glad to accept your concessions, Matador."
"That's
the problem, Dealer Man. You conveniently
overlook that negotiations are all about give and
take."
"So, what
do you say we go to that great bar you discovered
last time and start to choreograph our Kabuki
dance."
"To hide
our private friendship from public eyes will
require some location management and dark corners."
"Well,
Matador, the terms and conditions of locale for
me are to have aesthetic relief in the background.
You're not the prettiest face to sit across from.
How about Lola's? It has the best looking
waitresses."
"It's a
deal, Diehl. How about a Scotch?"
"As long
as you take the first sip, and as long as it
doesn't scotch the deal."
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