Intellectual
Quandary
by Walt
Giersbach
“In a society where
physical beauty often equates to sex appeal, the
idea of sapiosexuality has been quietly gaining
traction in recent years…. Though
definitions vary, the term generally describes
people for whom sexual attraction is based on
intellect, and not necessarily on looks.”
--The New York Times, June 4, 2017
I told my roommate, Marvin, I was filled with
despair over ever finding a soul mate. “All
the nice women I date thrust their physical
beauty on me, their charming makeup and couture.”
“Well, that’s a
start,” Marvin said.
“And if I show my
general disinterest they begin talking nasty.
Obscene. Isn’t there any woman where
intellectual conversation is a turn-on?
Intelligence, and even the mystery around her
intelligence, gets my heart beating, my nether
parts pulsating.” I didn’t care too
much about their plumbing. I wanted an
inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want
someone for whom philosophical discussion is
foreplay.
All of my joints were stiff
— all but one.
Marvin snorted. “You’re
not heterosexual, my friend. You’re
sapiosexual. Skip the bars and go wherever the
eggheads hang out.”
I hoped he was right, and
wandered downtown. Finding a quiet spot, I opened
my laptop, but the woman across from me was what
caught my eye. She was reading Rise and Fall
of the Roman Empire. “Another great fat
book, eh, Mr. Gibbon?” I said quietly
quoting Bacon.
She squinted. “That’s
Decline and Fall. Scribble, scribble
scribble,” she ended the infamous riposte.
“Do you also peruse
Proust, ma cherie?” Her face was fair,
her hair a tumultuous cascade of…hair.
“Only in the dark ŕ
la recherche du temps perdu.” Her eyes
gleamed with a wicked promise.
All my joints were now
limber, all but one.
“You are the one who
could capture the essence of love as Omar Khayyam’s
Rubáiyát described it,” and I leaped
across the table separating us. Her arms reached
out to enfold me. Books and laptop went flying,
our lips met like locomotives crashing headlong,
clothing was flung aside.
After describing the event
that I’m sure will lead to a life of
intrigue and mystery, Marvin asked, “So this
looks like a lifelong attachment?”
“I think so, my friend.”
“Then why do you look
so sad?”
“I was ordered never
to return to the municipal library again.
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