Dictator Dress
for Success
by Walt
Giersbach
To: Supreme
Benevolent Leader of Shining Truth
Dear
Benevolent Leader:
Congratulations,
Benny, on your successful takeover of your
country and defeat of the tribespeople who
resisted your enlightened rule. As your public
relations advisor, our firm looks forward to many
years of material well-being – yours and
ours – until such time as you retire
gracefully to the C?te d’Azur and your
infant son is appointed as your successor.
We are
concerned, however, with your image. The National
Geographic animal skins are terribly retro and
won’t film well on future CNN interviews.
Further, the skins tend to harbor fleas. It is
our unanimous opinion, arising from several focus
groups, that a sartorial change is required.
As they say on
Fifth Avenue or the Via Veneto, “You are
what you wear.”
You will
notice that Hamid Karzai has created an image of
power and decisiveness by wearing his tribal
flowerpot hat made from a sheep’s buttocks
accessorized by a grandmotherly shawl over his
shoulders. This bespeaks both a love of gardening,
sheep affection and respect for maternal values.
Kim Jong Il,
now ushering a third-generation despot into
office, has succeeded admirably by wearing
oversized Elton John glasses, platform shoes with
stacked heels, and a jumpsuit that, presumably,
came from an admiring garage mechanic. You
don’t have to like Kim, but you never have
to ask “Who’s that?” while
standing in line at the supermarket.
President
Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe wears a green sash as
though he has just won the Mister Africa Contest.
Bobby M, as we call him, still looks dashing at
82.
Muammar
Kaddafi in Libya cuts a wide sartorial swath with
a cute pillbox in the Jackie Kennedy fashion and
a swatch of colorful yard goods that might have
come from a restaurant tablecloth in Tripoli. Bon
appétit, Omar!
Styles change,
and we will continue to keep you advised.
Egypt’s King Farouk would assuredly still be
king if he hadn’t insisted on wearing that
red fez, making him look like a bit player in a
Humphrey Bogart film.
In the
meantime, we’re asking Vera Wang and Manolo
Blahnik whip up some image-inducing sketches.
We’ve told them to go easy on the floral
prints and instead give you the metaphorical
power of an M1 Abrams tank bearing down on a
marketplace crowd.
Ciao,
Benevolent One. We’ll look for some
fireworks when Wolf Blitzer sits down with you
next week.
Sincerely,
Needham and Wantem Public Relations
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