A True Story,
Really
by Marvin Pinkis
Cynthia
Hockenleffer stared into the i's of her
dictionary, anxious to get on to the j's. Easily
bored, she decided to look into the eyes of
Horace Hockenleffer, her husband's step-brother
from a former parent. Horace basked in his
reputation as a neer-do-well, as if obsessive
gambling and carousing and a life devoted to
dissipation made for shiftlessness.
Horace
appeared charmed by his step-sister-in-law, she
of the golden locks and luxuriant black hair. She,
in turn, was captivated by his plain looks,
constant sneer and lascivious leers although she
did not know what "leers" were.
She turned
quickly when he advanced in her direction and
tossed her pretty head, a little too vigorously,
as it landed on the other side of the room.
Always the cavalier, Horace stopped pawing
Cynthia while she retrieved it but resumed the
petting upon her return.
"Horace
has never mentioned you, Godfrey," mentioned
Cynthia.
"Godfrey
is your husband. I'm Horace," was his sharp
rejoinder.
"Silly me.
I couldn't tell a brother-in-law if someone hit
me with one."
"Step
brother-in-law. The servants, particularly that
little doll of a downstairs maid, Dolly Dalliance,
allege that you and that brother of mine haven't
engaged in sexual union since your nuptials."
Cynthia did
know what "nuptial" was, but decided to
play along. "That's true. Nor have we bedded
since our wedding."
Horace said,
"Well, then, a looker like you oughta have
some fun." Nudge, nudge.
Intrigued by
his coarse talk, Cynthia asked, "Whatcha got
in mind?"
He replied,
"Do you like things, uh, excuse the
expression, equestrian."
"Is that
like street signs that say 'Equestrians have the
right of way?' But I do adore horses. Got any?"
"Yes,
actually. I own a brace."
"Bad
teeth, huh? Doesn't show."
"I'm
referring to horses."
"Grays, I
hope."
"I'm not
sure. It's always dark when I take them out."
Cynthia
chirped, "No matter. Let's get outta dis
joint. I think we can make beautiful music
together."
"Can I
bring the horses?"
Their
departure made Cynthia the fifth wife who had
left Godfrey who simply chalked it up to
coincidence and returned to his acclaimed
collection of album mounts and hinges from
countries the world over.
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