It chews bamboo but hurts inside, whenever there's a mirror.
Its pizza face it cannot trace; its foods are all linear.

The snakes and cranes of China's game are wont to laugh and call it names—
Like "Panda-Zits" and "Newspaper", and others just as lame.

The saddest Panda that you'll find chews bamboo with squirts of lime.
If you say "hey," he'll go away and pop his puss some time.

Then he'll return with growls and cream, and make a spectacle obscene,
As you laugh like a Japanese School Girl.
But beware, he'll have your hair, and eat you like a tender bamboo curl.

I saw him meet a panda-babe, with a face so nasty you could lathe
It all night long and barely make a dent.
Together they said "screw the world," and had hot panda sex.