Texas Secedes
From Us And Joins Mexico
by Roger Freed
Texas today
seceded from the United States and joined Mexico,
a nation it had once fought for independence from
at the Alamo. Governor Rick Perry, disgruntled
with the economic politics of President Obama and
dreaming of the wonderful economic policies
employed by former Texas Governor Bush, carried
out his threat to rent the nation by severing its
second largest state away. “When Bush was
President and we needed money” he commented,
“we would just start a war and the economy
would go gangbusters!”
Roadblocks
were immediately set up on both sides of the
Texas borders to keep Texans from getting into
neighboring states. “They're Mexes now as
far as I'm concerned!”stated John Whiteguy,
a rancher in Oklahoma. “If they come over
here, they're illegal aliens and I got the right
to shoot 'em!” he said, brandishing a
shotgun in his raised hand.
Seeing a great
opportunity, Mexican drug cartels immediately
raced across Texas taking over farms and
converting them to drug growing fields. Texas
Rangers were rounded up and shipped south to help
fight the entrenched war going on in the ex-border
towns. The Mexican government swiftly took
control of all oil fields and nationalized them
into the monopolistic governmental oil company
Penex. Many Texans tried to flee the ensuing
violence and disorder by crossing the border to
New Mexico and Arkansas, only to be captured by
INS agents and returned. NAFDA is checking into
building cheap labor factories there.
Work has
quickly begun to build a 20 foot high concrete
fence around Texas to prevent illegal immigrants
getting into the US. Many states are passing laws
that would make Texans presently living within
their states illegal aliens and requiring them to
either return home or take a citizenship course
to become proper Americans. Immigrant rights
groups have embraced the new outsiders while
Texans in now 'foreign' states have taken to the
streets in protest marches only to be met by
police and National Guard troops who have
conducted mass arrests. “They should just go
back where they came from!” said Mr. Henry
Boozebottom, a Louisiana farmer who has had
countless poor Texans coming to his door begging
for work. “Texans always were foreigners as
far as I am concerned.”
Anti-Texan
slogans are becoming popular- 'If We Ain't Good
Enough Fer Ye, Then Don't Come Visit!', ' You can
now call Texas 'Mexas'', and 'Even the armadillos
don't want to live there any more.'.
The former
state has also become the butt of a lot of newly
created jokes:
“What is the difference between a Mexican
wetback and a Texan one?”- “The Texan
expects a coffee break and to get Social Security
some day.”
“How do you tell a Mexican sneaking over the
border from a Texan?” - “The Texan will
speak English, poop in a toilet, get sunburned if
you leave him out in the sun and use a credit
card.”
Meanwhile,
California is proud to now be the second largest
state in the country by default, giving them one
more thing to be snooty about.
When pressed
for a comment, Governor Rick Perry said
“Well, at least we are away from Obama.”
short minutes before he was overthrown in a coup
d'etat by the Mexican military.
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