Satan's
Apprentice
by Nick Allen
Three
figures are sitting behind a large desk. A young
man sits in the chair before them.
The
Devil: Tell me Kevin, what makes you
think you’ll be a good Agent of Satan?
Kevin:
Oh, I’ve been interested in Evil for as long
as I can remember Sir.
The
Devil: Let me see, how old are you? 16?!
Have you ever actually done anything evil?
Kevin:
I’m quite mean to my sister sometimes.
The
Devil: Bugger me. We’re just not
getting the quality applicants...
The
Grim Reaper: Done much reaping?
Kevin:
I mow the lawn for me mum.
The
Grim Reaper: Great, just great...
We’re looking for Satanists, not bloody
horticulturists!
Horseman:
There’s no need for that, the lads
only trying his best. Look son, are you
responsible for any apocalypses?
The
Grim Reaper: It’s
“apocalypsii” isn’t it?
Horseman:
Jesus Christ do I have to... Oh sorry
boss, I was err... being ironic?
The
Devil: Whatever. Look Kevin, what can
you bring to this team – apart of course
from the acne and greasy hair?
Horseman:
Ha ha, good one boss. In fact he looks
overqualified to me!
The
Grim Reaper: Yeah, if you don’t get
in here lad, try Gargoyle School.
The
Devil: Ok you two! Kevin, can you give
me one good reason why I should take you on?
Kevin:
I like toast?
The
Grim Reaper: Ah, we’re getting
somewhere now. Cooked on a three pronged fork I
trust? Had much experience with red hot pokers
have you lad?
Kevin:
The plant?
The
Grim Reaper: Good God. Sorry boss...
The
Devil: An easy one for you now Kevin, do
you know anything about fire or brimstone?
Kevin:
I dropped out of chemistry and physics. I took
Media Studies instead.
The
Devil: This isn’t looking good is
it? But to be honest Kevin, there are some
vacancies we are struggling to fill. I know, do
you like Alice Cooper?!
Kevin:
I think I’ve heard of her but...
The
Devil: NEXT!!
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