Jedi To Jetsons
- The Watering Down Of The Force
by Roger Freed
Sigh!
Jedi Masters
just ain't what they used to be!
At one time
they were of the caliber of Sir Alec Guiness, the
original Obi-Wan Kenobi, a proven hero whose name
had the extra fortification of being the same as
a famous beer. But in today's world (or should
that be tomorrow's world since it is science
fiction - no, wait! These Star Wars films all
happened "long, long ago in a galaxy far,
far away"- make that yesterday's world)
their backgrounds are a bit murky. Take this new
rookie Obi-Wan - the British actor Ewan McGregor.
The other movie he was famous for was playing a
Scottish junkie in "Trainspotting" who
made toilet jumping look like an Olympic event.
What about
Liam Neeson, the Jedi who got the bad end of
Darth Maul's light saber in "The Phantom
Menace"? Wasn't he the mutilated anti-hero
of "Darkman", playing a character who
enacted a pyro-spectacular revenge on those who
caused his disfigurement? I thought that turning
the other cheek was supposed to be a noble Jedi
trait (of course, I must admit that in "Darkman"
Liam didn't have much cheek left to turn.)
Now we can add
Samuel L. Jackson's name to the list. In the last
three films he appears as a top-of-the corporate-ladder
Master on the city planet and seems very devout
and contemplative. Of course, he was also very
contemplative in "Pulp Fiction" as he
quoted passages from Ezekiel to the people whose
heads he was about to blow off. What kind of
karma is that for a Master to have?
What about the
Yoda character? He still looks suspiciously like
a Mini-Me version of the Grinch who stole
Christmas. It could very possibly be the same
character with cosmetic surgery (not that it
helped any). If he isn't the Grinch, then I'll
swear that he's a Munchkin left over from "The
Wizard of Oz" who's had a house fall on him.
Now, the
question this all leads up to is: Are these the
sort of heros we want our kids to look up to? On
second thought, forget the kids, ARE THESE THE
SORT OF HEROS WE'RE GOING TO LOOK UP TO? I'm
sorry, but I don't want an ex-Scottish drughead
to be the one responsible for defending my
intergalactic freedoms!
I'd like to
recommend my own candidates for Jedi Masters. How
about Ralph Nader? Since he's lost two elections
he has a lot of time on his hands. He'd be a bit
stiff in a fight, but you know his ethics are
right. Let's also be fair, we need a female Jedi
Master. Angelina Jolie would make a good warrior,
but I think she was born on the Dark Side of the
Force. For comic relief we could hire on
Danny DeVito as a Master. Stretch his ears and
spray paint him green and he'd be a dandy stand-in
for Yoda.
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