“Beware the Jaguarmock, you podge!
The clutch that grinds, the engine fartin’!
Abhor the Yugo bird, and dodge
The vroomiest Aston-Martin!”

He took his volvo wrench in hand:
Long time ferrari foe his fear--
Thus idled he ’neath the Hyundai tree,
And sat there out of gear.

And, as in lexus thought he sat,
The Jaguarmock, its horn a-bloogin’,
Chryslered up the porsche flat
And bellowed, “Fahrvergnugen!”

A twist! A twirl! And with a whirl
The volvo wrench went ponty-ack.
He bent and took hood ornament,
And studebakered back.

“Hast thou totaled, then, the Jaguarmock?
Come get a hug, my beemer boy!
O fordjous day! Cadlack coopay!”
He saabed with packard joy.

’Twas buick, and the slicky tires
Did squeal and wobble on the road.
All audi were the first-time buyers
Whom the salesmen outsnowed.

Originally published in Maelstrom, Vol. III, Issue, 2000