Interview With
Mr. Potato Head
by Roger Freed
Today we
interview that star of toy stores and famed actor
from the films Toy Story 1,2 and 3, Mr. Potato
Head! Visiting him in his penthouse at the Farmer's
Market in Manhattan he spills the beans on his
illustrious life:
A hearty
greetings to you, Mr. Potato Head! Thank you for
doing this interview with us. Where is it you are
from?
Illinois, but my roots are in Idaho.
I have
heard that you had a tough childhood. What did
you do growing up?
I got let out of the bag at a young age. When I
was a young spud I used to go out and get roasted
a lot. Then I was in the underground for a while.
No more of that now that I'm older.
I
understand that your father went on the skids.
Actually more like out on a pallet. He went bad
and was used to make cheap vodka. Very sad.
I see that
you were once arrested in Iowa.
Yes, it is rather embarrassing. I had what they
call 'conduct unbecoming' with an underage
rutabaga. It turns out she wasn't quite ripe. But
they dropped the charges because she was
indecently exposed- came out above ground before
her time.
Why didn't
you catch onto that? You shouldn't have let that
happen.
Hey man, it's not like I have eyes in the back of
my head, you know! Well, actually, I do, but they
don't work like regular eyes.
Were you
ever married?
I was married for a while, but she was bruised,
became a vegetable and they took her away.
So you
first shot to fame in the fifties as a novelty
toy.
Yeah, I had face altering abilities before
Micheal Jackson was even born. It was a natural
talent because I grew up in a rough neighborhood
where people would rearrange your face for you.
People don't know it, but I was actually an
inspiration for a lot of Picasso drawings.
But that
served you well in your later career.
Yes, it did. Whenever the coppers would put out a
wanted poster on me I would just change my facial
features. Wait a minute- which career were you
talking about?
What do
you think of Hollywood?
You have to be careful or they will make hash out
of you there. It is the sort of business where
you can get baked real easy. They'll skin you if
you don't watch out for yourself.
How did
you like working with Tom Hanks?
It was hard to keep a straight face with him
around, which for me is a career threat.
Why is it
that after the last Toy Story movie we haven't
seen much of you?
Ah, yeah. My career ended shortly thereafter when
I tried to dance the mashed potato. It is OK for
humans to do this, but quite hazardous for
someone who is a potato himself to do.
I
understand you got into the restaurant business
for awhile.
Yeah, I did. But I got scalloped! Man, did they
ever fry me!
Do you
have any desire to go further in the movie
business?
I've been offered to be in a skin flick, but I
don't know. I would have to peel in it.
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