Help Wanted
byThomas Sullivan
May
2011: With an election
approaching in the US and conservatives
struggling to pick a leader, I thought it would
be helpful to run a help wanted ad:
Wanted:
Middle-aged, white male for national-level
leadership position. Ideal candidate will possess
limited intellectual capacity and no moral core.
Job duties to include: re-framing previously
failed economic policies, enhancing and expanding
economic inequality, and presenting the
replacement of senior health care with high-earner
tax cuts as a form of patriotic discipline. All
candidates must possess or be able to secure deep
social and monetary connections to financial and/or
defense contracting industries. New ideas not
required. Previous experience in race-baiting and
gay-bashing a plus. Physical resemblance to
actors in dandruff shampoo commercials a major
plus. Avowed Christian faith (however genuine) a
must. Job requires relocation to Washington, DC.
Housing provided.
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