Flash Dancing
With Words
by John Brooke
“Welcome aspiring
flash fiction writers, to our show, ‘Flash
Dancing With Words.’ Our mission is to raise
the quality of flash fiction genre writing.
The expert coaching will benefit the growing
numbers of short patience, digital readers.
Wannabe flash writers who ignore our guidance,
will regress into creating rhyming poetry, drinking
tea with their little pinkies extended, and using
big words to communicate small ideas.”
“Your mentor every
Sunday, Tuesday and Friday is Doctor Will Flasher.”
“Thanks Johnny,
I’m eager to answer our listeners questions.”
“Here’s a letter
from Los Vegas.”
“Dear Doctor Flasher,
I recently composed a delicious flash story about
the wedding of a zombi and his vampire bride. The
editor of the popular Open Raincoat eZine
rejected my gem. She commented in her
notification how my tale sucked dryly. Would you
be so kind and comment on my attached rejected
story.
Yours sincerely,
Saliva Lipshtick”
“Saliva,
Your story sucks dust. Vampires are smart, they
would never bed a dried out crumbling zombi. To
make this tale irresistible, simply exchange
the zombi for a fresh village idiot.
Regards Doctor Flasher.”
“Another letter, one
from Washington, DC”
“Dear Doctor Flasher,
My flash fiction piece about a one legged
hobgoblin wrestling with Merlin, at the height of
a total solar eclipse, truly isn’t
working. Would you suggest a way to kick-start it
into a compelling read?
Thank you, B. Belfry
“It’s obvious
Belfry,
Your tale needs lubrication. I suggest you behead
the stupid hobgoblin. Then use his head as a ball
in a rousing game of croquet. Merlin is to
provide the other balls.
Best wishes, Doctor Flasher
“Tonights final
question.”
“Dear Doctor Flasher,
“I submitted my best flash fiction piece to
The Daily Slayer. The nasty editor emailed this
critique: Dear Dorothy, your tale is too far
over the rainbow. Wanders over a crazy landscape
with three heartless, brainless, and
cowardly jerks. The insistent yapping of a small
dog is a distraction to the reader, totally
unacceptable. Use your imagination, dear? We
are a class publication catering to a readership
of sophisticated flash aficionados. They
like fresh, steaming gore, with blood hot and
squirting. Editor, Letitia Wormwood.
Oh Doctor Flasher, what are your thoughts about
this? Yours in trust,
Pricilla Wrench.”
“Here’s Doctor
Flashes response to Pricilla’s inquiry.”
“Dear Dorothy, er,
Pricilla,
LETITCIA WORMWOOD’S A SNOB. ALWAYS PUTTING
ON AIRES AND USING FANCY FOREIGN WORDS TO IMPRESS
US… She wants the same old classic
Grimm stuff. In your brief tale, try a cannibal
witch living in a gingerbread house, or a sorceress
french kissing a frog into a Prince. That could
get Letitia to soften up a little. Just keep
pounding away rewriting the ancient, hoary
tales, and simply try, and try again.
Keep flashing, yours, Doctor Flasher.”
“That’s our
program for Friday, listen for ‘Flash
Dancing with Words,’ this coming Sunday,
same time same station.”
“Remember folks,
Doctor Flasher, admonishes you to scribble simple,
use only minuscule words. Nighty nightmares!”
|
