Don't Try Unless
You Want To Die
by Maranda
Russell
Here is a list
of things I would really suggest you not try at
home (or anywhere else for that matter!):
1.
Don't screw a porcupine. (Just trust me)
2.
Don't plunge an ice pick into your ear to shut up
the voices in your head. (Yes, someone actually
did this.)
3.
Don't use Saran Wrap as a condom. (This one
is for Rory, an old co-worker of mine)
4.
Don't get caught trying to stick a cigar up your
intern.
5.
When you are flying commercial, please don't
shoot tranquilizer darts at the pilot. (However,
the flight attendents are fair game)
6.
Don't buy underwear at a secondhand store unless
you are absolutely sure they are brand spanking
new, and have no weird stains.
7.
Don't give your children butane lighters for
Christmas. (Also, please sober up before
going Christmas shopping next year)
8.
Don't lick a light pole in the middle of winter.
(Have we learned nothing from "A Christmas
Story?!")
9.
Don't run for Vice President if you are from
Alaska and your IQ is lower than Gumby's.
10.
Please don't run a country if your last name is
Bush. Seriously. Go wrestle a cow or
something instead.
|
