Bountiful Barbie's
Big Birthday Blowout!
by Roger Freed
Barbie doll
turns 50 this year. She sure doesn't look it. She
looks like she's either discovered the Fountain
of Youth or had her whole body Botoxed. Of course
it helps when you get all your plastic surgery
the day you are made. It is also fortunate when
all your exquisite feminine contours are molded
into their enticing proportions. It must be a bit
rough, though, when you are only one year old and
already have an hourglass figure. All the other
one year olds must crowd around you for breast
feeding.
Barbie was
originally a German invention (only the German's
could come up with that sort of aerodynamic
styling). Her looks then were considerably
different than the open-faced Barbie of today.
Deutchlands Barbie was a slit eyed, high
maintenance man-eater. She sported the curved
ponytail and bangs popular at the time (late 1950's)
and had, of course, an uberfraulein figure with
majestic, pointy mammary glands. Her face had the
veiled look of a predatory gold digger. Her
narrowed, mascaraed eyes looked like they were
refined in the art of gauging a man's financial
and social status and at judging how lucrative a
profession he was likely to get (forget Barbie
herself having a profession- this was the 1950's.
She'd have to get by on her looks and acting
ability alone at this time in history unless
there was such a thing as 'Secretary Barbie'.)
When her sleek
image and body was introduced to our shores, she
Americanized fast. She became more outgoing,
smiled more and was friendlier. Her body lost
some of its Teutonically strict dimensions and
became softer and rounder, although that might be
because of improvements in plastics; it's hard to
tell. Barbie was now in the land of conspicuous
consumption and learned to revel in it. Nothing
was too good or too expensive for our blondie
girl. She became the Material Girl long before
Madonna was ever on the scene. Please take note
that she'd left Germany a brunette and became a
blond here- does that say anything about our
culture? We'd succeeded where Hitler had not in
making the perfect Aryan female.
When she got
here she traded her BMW for a Chevy and her
boyfriend named Wolfgang for one called Ken. The
world was her oyster and she had the stiletto to
open it with. In America she could change her
image at a whim and not be locked into old Europe
visions of what a woman should be. She could be
Hippie Barbie, Surfer Barbie, Corporate Barbie,
Pro Wrestler Barbie, Cro-magnum Barbie all with
the change of a few high priced accessories.
Now, at age 50,
still having her looks and her wonderful figure,
Barbie can begin a new identity that will fit her
well. Look out world, here comes Cougar Barbie!
Watch out Jonas Brothers, she's on the prowl for
you!
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