Armageddon Rocks
by John Brooke
On stage The
Severed Heads, a hot mainstream rock band is
gyrating lewdly. They’re the opening
act in this Galactic Battle of the Bands. Heavy
metal visceral sound convulses the enormous rock
and rolling audience. Before they can finish
their set, a skin crawling wailing grows to
inhuman shrieking. It overpowers their act.
This
showstopper is the signature sound of a rival
band, The Living Dead. They stumble from the
wings onto the stage, with blank faced humorless
expressions. They wear recently exhumed rotted
fashions that match their decomposing flesh-tones.
Vile body odor soon identifies them as
Zombies. Caution, living human beings, hearing
their monotonous musical dirge, are at risk
of being stunned into pliant edible Zombie
fodder.
Up Uranus
joins The Living Dead and The Severed Heads on
stage. A Planetary Alien ensemble whose clicking
bugs wings and writhing rhythms soon
eclipses the somber dirge of The Living Dead.
They are barely into their, out of this
world set when…! A chorus of inhuman howls
and yelps drowns them out.
A drooling
pack of Hirsute Humanoids, dominates the stage
with growling intense riffs and territorial
barking vocals. The rocking crowd is really
smoking. A refreshing whoosh of wings, suddenly
stirs the air.
This coolly
ushers in the unmistakable seductive sucking
sounds of The Carotids. Female Vamps with
amps. Their black and white beauty and blood
red lips soon pumps up the venue.
Battle of the
rock-bands builds as, The Severed Heads respond
in counter point. When contrapuntally as Up
Uranus shimmers into the mix followed by the
syncopated yelps of The Hirsute Humanoids. The
driving death rattling percussion of the
Living Dead, hammers the music together.
All the bands
are jiving and rocking on stage, vying with one
another. Then jam and blend harmoniously. The
volume builds. The audience goes ballistic.
Levels so high, ears bleed.
Tension and
excitement onstage is stratospheric, teetering on
the razor edge of control. Then it happens! The
Hirsute Humanoids, turn on The Carotids, and in
one giant guitar clash, they attempt to devour
them all. Before they can sink in their canine
teeth, The Living Dead Zombies are smashing in
their skulls, and scooping out their brains. The
Carotids come back to life and tear the bloodless
Zombies apart, limb from limb, in a
disappointed frenzy.
The stage is
awash with slime and body parts. Those buggers,
Up Uranus keep the show rolling and rocking.
Exhausted The Carotids, prissy themselves across
the stage bitching; “We’re going to
squash you like the bugs you are!” Spotting
the threat, these Planetary Aliens whip out their
‘phasers’ and beam The Carotids up to
Uranus.
The raunchy
crowd roars its approval! “Up Uranus wins!”
First prize:
Planet Earth!
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