Twinkle, Twinkle
Little Star
by Charles R. Bucklin
"He didn't
have to die," I said to Gort2 as we strapped
ourselves into our saucer cockpit. “It was
just a matter of bad timing."
"I mean think of it...if Klaatu hadn't
visited Earth during the 1950's Red Scare he
might have been hailed as the new Messiah."
My father's saucer had been taken out by a lucky
missile shot during the last attempted peace
mission with America.
According to our scanners, his chipped body was
cryogenically stored in a secret government
facility located somewhere in the Nevada desert.
Gort2's expressionless robotic face did not
indicate having heard me. Like his predecessor
before him, Gort2 was a fifteen-foot titanium
golem created for two purposes, to control or
destroy.
"I suppose I can't change your mind," I
sighed.
"Listen, my little green friend - The
Council of Planet OGLE-2016 unanimously decreed
that target Earth must be destroyed. I'm just
fulfilling their orders," said Gort2,
pressing our craft's launch button.
Our ship lifted off the launching pad vertically
and I soon lost sight of the towering silver
spires of our nation's capital building as we
shot off into space.
Moments later we passed through the icy
concentric rings that surrounded our planet.
Thruster blasts kicked in causing my ears to pop
as we hit warp speed and I felt a sense of nausea.
The churning in my guts made me regret forgetting
to bring my motion sickness pills before takeoff.
"How about renegotiating a...Planetary Peace...treaty?
Tell 'em that this... is their last chance to
save themselves," I said trying to suppress
burping.
"I am not programmed to negotiate Klaatu
Junior..and I'd appreciate it if you stuck to
your job as a mission observer."
"Yeah…yeah, I know. But, for Cosmo's
sake…total annihilation though? Geez, Louise."
Gort2 farted in response, and the stench of
nuclear fission filled the cabin. I got the
sinking feeling that Gort2 was looking forward to
nuking the crap out of the doomed planet.
We were an odd pair alright. Gort2 was our Galaxy's
enforcer while I was a diplomat serving as an
observer on this flight. His job was to kick some
planetary booty. My task was to observe and make
sure the job was done as humanely and painlessly
as possible.
It had been impressed upon me by the Council that
if I saw no improvement on earth's condition I
was to stand back and let Gort2 do his job.
Translated - I could forget about diplomacy
- the earth was toast.
"Your compassionate sentiment is illogical.
I would think you would want some payback after
what the humans did to your father," said
Gort2 as he steered us towards the blue marbled
planet in our viewing monitor.
"My father was an emissary of peace, not
destruction."
Gort2's voice box made a harsh barking noise
which was his robotic equivalent of a laugh.
"And look what peace got him? Bah!
Playtime is over. So put a sock on it,
motherfucker."
"But…"
"But, nothing. They were warned years ago,
to stop fighting and get their shit together. Did
they listen? No. And now they plan to colonize
other planets… like Mars. They must be
eliminated before it's too late. So stop your
whining."
"It just seems like such a waste," I
said scratching my ass. Our hot foil space suits
chafed my buttocks horribly.
"Speaking of waste…look at all that
junk floating around their planet…talk about
being litterbugs," tsked Gort2.
A halo of crap surrounded the earth's atmosphere
like a nimbus. Through our screen magnifier, I
could see jettisoned rocket sections, plastic
water bottles, rusty washers n' dryers, energy
bar wrappers, computer keyboards, junked cars,
several paintings of Elvis done on black velvet,
and what suspiciously looked like used condoms.
The sight of all that floating detritus filled me
with sadness. Never had I beheld such a
contemptuous disregard for the beauty of the
Cosmos.
"You see Junior they're no better than
cockroaches. We'll be doing the Universe a favor
by putting this self-annihilating planet out of
its misery," said Gort2.
"I suppose you're right," I mumbled.
"Of course I'm right. So don't even think
about aborting this mission with that "Gort,
Klaatu Barada Nikto" bullshit!
"Okay...Okay," I said, throwing up my
hands in defeat.
"I have the planet Earth in our target
sights. You want me to fire or do you want the
honors?"
As much as I was tempted to destroy the planet, a
vision of my father's disappointed face flashed
through my mind.
"I can't," I said sitting back in
defeated resignation.
"Then, I'll do it," said Gort2.
"No wait, ...don't do it, Gort2!" I
yelled grabbing ineffectively at his giant arm.
But, before I could stop him, he slapped the
photon torpedo button as if swatting a fly.
There was a blinding flash followed by a cosmic
roar that shook every nut and bolt in our saucer.
Nothing remained of Earth except a smoking chunk
of charcoal and a pleasant lingering aroma of
barbecue.
Gort2 took out a cigarette, put it in his mouth,
lit it with a matchstick, and took a long drag.
With a sigh of satisfaction, he put up his
massive feet on the console and gazed out the
cabin window.
I stared numbly at the viewing monitor for what
felt like an eternity. Watching the burning husk
slowly disintegrate, until nothing was left, but
the twinkling of stars.
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