To Dodge a
Bullet
by Bill Tope
"I can't keep
this up," said Wallace fretfully,
sifting through a catalog. "I'm not
interested
in your sexual problems," remarked
his sister
in law, flashing an evil grin.
"You're very funny, Suzanne,"
replied Wallace.
She took a little bow. "You're as
funny as a
leak in an artificial heart," he
ventured.
"Whoops," she said. "Forgot
to laugh--again."
"It may interest you to know what I'm
working
on," he told her. She looked up.
"I'm trying to
find something for Roxie for our fourth
wedding
anniversary."
"How about a divorce?" she
suggested. He
furrowed his brow. "Think of it,"
she said
persuasively. "It's something
personal; it's new;
it's something she hasn't got; and
probably
longs for; and it would make her so happy!"
"Think of something else," he
told her. She
lapsed into a thoughtful silence. "How
about a dildo?" she asked
unexpectedly.
"Wha...!" he cried out. "No,
you're right, she
doesn't need one; she's got you."
Wallace
blew out a breath, shook his head wearily.
"Unless, of course," added
Suzanne, "you're not
cutting the mustard..." and she left
the thought
hanging. "We're fine there," he
assured her.
"Not what I heard," she said
cryptically. The brow
furrowed again. "What have you heard?"
he asked.
She tipped her nose into the air. "Nothing..."
and
left it hanging there again.
"Girl," he said, "you are
a piece of work." "Yes,"
she
agreed, but you must find me attractive."
He cocked
a brow. "After all, I am Roxie's
identical twin."
"You look the same," he
conceded, "but...."
"Oh, you're dying to get your hands
on me. Every
guy dreams about twins," she went on.
He snorted.
"Wally, I'd like to give you
something," she said in a
quiet, serious voice. He looked up from
the catalog,
"It's sort of a pre-anniversary gift,"
she went on. She
had his attention now. Suddenly she
turned up a
canister of Silly String and opened fire
on her
brother in law.
Green strings of plastic cascaded from
the cannister
and soon had enveloped him. He made a
grab for the
can, but Suzanne was too quick for him
and darted out
of reach, continuing to inundate him with
the webs of
Silly String.
Suddenly he moved rapidly, more rapidly
than she had ever
seen him move. He had one arm round her
waist, the other
clasping her hands behind her back.
He laughed victoriously
and she giggled maniacally. The can fell
to the floor and the
two of them stood in that intimate,
awkward embrace, their
faces flushed from the exertion. Their
skin was hot where
it touched the other.
His face was but inches from hers. He
could smell the
wintergreen mints on her breath, she the
after shave she'd
given him last Christmas. She does
look so like Roxie, he
thought, and realized he was breathing
hard. And she
seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.
Would he really
kiss her? she wondered frantically. And
would she let him?
The moment of closeness seemed to last a
lifetime, but soon
it was over and they each withdrew, back
into their own space.
He stood awkwardly, his hands now empty,
but twitching. She
edged around him and picked up the
catalog which had fallen
to the floor.
"I think that Roxie would enjoy
these diamond studs," she told
him in a voice which crackled with nerves.
They stood near
but not touching. He peered at the page,
seeing nothing.
"Thanks, Suzie," he said
gruffly. They simultaneously heaved
a great sigh of relief. |
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