The Stink of
Jealousy
by Albert Russo
Goddess changed the names
of the couple into Abraham, which means Father of
the Many, and Sarah, on account that the ladder
would soon become the Mom of all Nations.
Still believing that she
was much too old to become pregnant, and that
thus and therefore Goddess was again bullshitting
her, Sarah told her hubby: “Try to do the
business with our maid Hagar.” Just after
having uddered those words, she bit her
tongue, almost cutting its tip, out of jealousy,
a feeling women hadn’t known yet. “What
the heck have I suggested?” she thought,
introducing the first adulteress to
humanity.
A lovely son was born to
Hagar, named Ishmael. He grew up to become a
handsome and vigorous lad. Hagar was very proud
of him, and knew instinctively that the
descendants of her son would spread over the
mountains, the deserts and the oceans.
Sarah noticed how fresh and
ladida her maid was getting, and started
pulling her hair then stuffed her fingers in her
nostrils, trying to commit suicide. But she was
tougher that the hide of an elephant great-grandmother,
and soon she was breathing as loudly as the
future trumpets of Jericho, causing a mini storm
around her. Poor Abraham was in a fix, now that
his wifey and his maid started hating each other’s
guts.
In the meantime, furious
that Lot and his tribe messed around setchually
and otherwise, Goddess destroyed their city, and
they consequently all had to flee. Poor Lot’s
wife turned around in spite of the fact that She
had forbidden her to do so. That was when she
turned into a statue of salt - she became the
first Jewish mummy.
This terrible turn of event
scared Abraham to the marrow - whoah, do I looove
to spread bone marrow on rye toast and to sniff
the smell of burnt bread and warm goo for a few
seconds, before sinking my teeth into it!
Why do you suppose Goddess
acted with such harshness? To warn Abraham of
course, so that he wouldn’t try any kind of
untoward shenanigans. From then on, the ladder
swore to himself to act righteously, so much so
that his teeth began to chatter, knocking off his
incisives. That’s when people became
chatterboxes, on account that they wanted to
replace the lost teeth with wordy nonsense.
Nowadays billions of humans do the same on social
networks. You oughta read what trash one finds
there!
Loo and beebee be bop a
lula hold your breath, toothless and her
hair as rare as the dried leaves of a burnt corn
field, old Sarah expected a baby. She gave birth
to a boy her hubby and she named Isaac. Ishmael
who was already a pre-teen started to boast that
he was the important guy of the family and he
started bullying his half-brother. Sarah didn’t
like that at all and complained to Abraham.
Things between Hagar, Sarah
and their two sons were getting really bad. They
couldn’t stop quarrelling.
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