Sleeping Gods
by Albert Russo
For you, politically
illiterate ninnies, ‘Intifada’ means
Palestinian uprising against the Israeli army and
civilians. But the more I learn about the ongoing
feud between these two peoples living in this
tiny area, the more I start sweating, coz
everybody you speak to over here believes there
will never be any peace, on account that both
sides maintain that the other one is dead wrong.
There must be a Yasser Bin Mandela and a Solomon
Ben Gandhi somewhere in the neighborhood - leave
your hiding place, you two, and do your friggin
job, ferchrisssake, yeah, I’m also talking
to you, Jeeezuuus, get a move on, for crying out
loud, where have YOU been all this time? As for
you, God the Father Christmas, I’m sure you’ve
been messing around with all them pagan goddesses,
instead of looking after your people, so why the
hell did you choose them? Force these two peaceniks
to do their coming out lest the place falls to
pieces and gets riddled with holes like that
stinking Swiss cheese you forgot in the pantry
last year! This can’t go on indefinitely!
The Palestinians claim that the Jews stole their
land - which is a half lie, since much of it was
bought from private Arab folks, and yeah, many
others were expelled -, while the Israelis claim
that the land has been lived in by Jews since the
days of the Bible - which is half a truth, coz
there were just a few stray Jewish cats during
all those centuries and perhaps a couple of dogs
too - and that Jerusalem, with its First and
Second Temples (in ruin - you just have to see
how often Jews wail in front of that Western Wall)
on whose mount the Muslims built their beautiful
- whoah, mag-ni-fi-cent - Golden mosque, is the
center of Judaism, proven by them Dead Sea
scrolls which were rescoopcitated sixty
years ago by a poor Beduin, whereas it is only
Islam’s third or fourth holy site. Jeezette,
how many holy sites do they have around the world?
Is that why the Sunni hate the Shia and vice
versa and bomb each other’s mosques? Holy
Shiiiat is what I say!
Avi and Miki (not Mouse,
nerd, he’s more of a lion) took us to a
coffee shop in old Jaffa called Napoleon, maybe
they wanted to honor us, since we live in France.
Old Napo freed the Jews of Europe from their
ghettos, giving them the same rights the
Christians had, after two-thousand years of Jew-bashing,
when Jesus, Jeezette, Jacko, their brother, the
Virgin (lol ... lol ... lol) Mary and
her hubby Joey were all kosherized Jews!
and he even tried to conquer Palestine. To
mislead his enemies, Napoleon dressed like an
Arab sheik and wore a turban; then, when he came
near them, he shouted: “In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful”, and so fork
and ding dong, but the Mamluks weren't
fooled and they stopped him before he could reach
Jerusalem.
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