No Drowning
by Albert Russo
They crossed the desert and
after days of trekking they reached the Red Sea -
hey that’s where my uncle and I spent two
fabulous weeks when we visited Israel, swimming
with fish of all colors above a coral reef, so
shiny under the sun that it was blinding. The
place is called Eilat. From there you can see the
Sinai on one side and Jordan on the other side.
Before the Heebies
could revolt again against Moses on account that
they believed they were going to drown in the sea
where a strong wind was blowing, causing a
tsunami, Mo addressed Goddess, asking for
protection.
And so the leader and his
folk soon had the possibility of crossing the Red
Sea which miraculously separated into two walls
of water, giving way to a dry path.
In the meantime, FairHo,
who couldn’t accept the fact that he had
been swindled by Mo and His former slaves,
decided to send his army to track down and slay
the whole lot. Well well well, Goddess performed
the greatest miracle after the deluge to save her
people: as the Israelites continued walking on
dry land, the waves were joined behind them and
drrrrowned the Egyptian army, bubble bubble
bubble, and they became fodder to the millions of
colorful fish of the Red Sea, if they weren’t
eaten first by the razor-tooth sharks and the
other big-mouthed underwater monsters.
As I told you before, you
the fonda-mentalist nerds who believe all the
nonsense the Bible scribes wrote, miracles are
the product of people’s supertushied
trashination, coz in them yorish
times you were a revered scientist when you could
count 2 goats plus 2 camels = 4 animals. Most of
the folk thought that the correct answer was 10
or more, on account that camels are much bigger
than goats, which isn’t all that false if
you weighed them. The ladder have bigger bones
and far more flesh. Then too, goats produce milk
with which you can make delicious cheese - us
French (don’t forget I’m also part
American and part Eyetalian, so don’t dare
call me a froggess) are the champions of fromage
de chèvre, which can be quite smelly and
knock out some of you sissies - and before they
get too old they provide tender meat for
barbecues, coz then that was the only way they
could cook. Nowadays barbecues are considered a
bio delicacy.
As they advanced into the
friggin’ desert, the Heebies started to
complain again.
“Chosen, my foot”,
they would mumble, we have so little food to
choose from and enough water for the birds. They
grumbled and cursed Moses, some even turned away
from Goddess, saying that they were better off as
slaves in Egypt, coz there at least, even if they
were beaten black and blue, they had some
leftover food and didn’t die of thirst.
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