Joey and Pharaoh
Potty
by Albert Russo
To Potiphar’s wife (sfar
as I know, he invented the potty) Joey retorted
that his duty was to manage Pharaoh’s
properties and that, thus and consequently, he
had no spare time and didn’t want to be
disloyal to his protector.
When Pharaoh returned to
his palace late the same evening, his wife told
him, friggin liar that she was, that Joseph
wanted to rape her. In a fit of rage, Potiphar
had poor Joey thrown into prison. There he met a
few thugs, some of whom had disturbing dreams and
asked him if he could interpret them. His
predictions turned out to be all correct.
Potiphar began to have
strange dreams and even nightmares, and no one in
the whole land of Egypt was able to decipher them,
until the king’s butler, who had been in
prison with Joseph told him that he knew a young
Hebrew who could read in people’s minds.
And low and bee
bee hold, here was Joey standing once again
in front of Potiphar, who had suddenly forgotten
how furious he had been with him. Joseph
translated the king’s two big dreams with
the following words.
“The seven fat cows
coming from the Nile river means that for seven
years Egypt will know prosperity, with rich crops,
plenty of food and all kinds of goodies that
families will be able to purchase and offer as
gifts, even to their worst enemies. The seven
lean cows means that for seven years, the country
will be cursed with drought, sickness and famine;
everything will smell of rot and decay and men
will beat their wives and spank their children
something too awful, while the women will be
pulling each other’s hair out of sheer
idleness and disgust, making many of them bald.”
Thanks to Joseph’s
divining gift, Pharaoh could prepare his people
and the land of Egypt for the bad times, hoarding
food and all the necessary goods so that his
people could lead a normal life during the seven
years that promised to be lean and mean.
Now, I’m not sure that
one could avoid the scorching sun of summer with
temperatures of 120 degrees fair n’
heart. Which reminds me how my uncle and I
almost drowned in our own sweat a July in Seville,
Spain. If you want to know more about that trip,
read my book Zapinette Castagnette, it
will surely make you want to aspapika
Sapanish and be less stupid, coz if you’re
Yankee like me, you oughta learn America’s
second language, specially if you live in or
visit Nueva York, Miami (pronounce it Me Yami) or
Los Angeles (pronounce it Los An Hell Ess), which
in some areas can be hellish.
Pharaoh was so relieved and
impressed by Joseph’s predictions, which
turned out to be real prophecies, that he named
Joseph Grand Vizier, making him the most
important of all the VIPs of his kingdom.
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