Deborah The
Prophetess
by Albert Russo
“Now, all of you
schmucks,” said Barak, “kneel and
praise Goddess, till your blood carpets the
ground in a bright glowing red. And we’ll
see if She pardons you, sons of bitches!”
Hey, don’t look at me, Barak could be quite
vulgar to make his point.
Deborah was well aware of
her position as prophetess and commanded her folk
to start behaving orrr else. Now that they
remembered who Goddess was and stuck their
fingers in their noses or their thumbs in their
mouths, while peeing of shame, like scolded
children, they sniffled, mumbling “Whatever
you say, Deborah!”
“Follow me, y’all
and don’t look backwards or you too will
turn into statues of salt.” she said with a
croaky voice that echoed from mountain to
mountain, provoking avalanches of rocks that
buried the first rows of Canaanite soldiers. But
worse would follow. The enemy was fierce and much
stronger than the Heebies, specially that they
had a great number of horses and heavy chariots.
Suddenly a huge storm
covered the whole area and the Canaanites soon
began to wallow in the mud till they couldn’t
advance. They were finally beaten by the Heebies
who until then were just a bunch of idolatrous
nerds, no better than bums drunk as skunks - hey,
did you notice how I can make rhymes.
Another forty years of
bounty awaited the Heebies, who tilled their
fields, looked after their fat cows and their
numerous goats, making delicious cheese.
Today’s Israelis have
continued this custom. This is why you can have
breakfast there with an unconscious
number of cheeses, accompanied with eggs cooked
in a dozen different ways, sausages, tuna, humus,
bread, plain, rye or toasted, falafel, pretzels,
croissants, short cakes, yoghurt, vegetables of
all kinds, orange juice, tea or coffee. Breakfast
in the Holy Land may be the holiest of meals, on
account that it is so abundant that you can get
along the whole day without any other food. So
much so that in many restaurants they serve it
all day long. Can you imagine having breakfast at
midnight? If I didn’t mention it before, I
will now.
Israel is NOT a normal
country. It’s the Start-up nation and they
invent so many things all the time that you can’t
keep up with them, and then too, the young people
there are so mixed in color and diverse in
culture that you can’t say that they are a
race. So, it’s impossible to be a racist
there, like the goons who hate black people or
the Islamists who want to kill the Africans or
the Whites.
Those who hate the Jews and
Israel are antisemites, which is a very different
kind of discrimination, so my uncle taught me. If
you didn’t know, we were born Catholic, even
though I almost never go into a church, except
when it’s boiling hot outside, on account
that churches are often cool.
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