Cut The Baby In
Two
by Albert Russo
David who was a young
shepherd and also played music fought
singlehanded the terrible Philistine Goliath,
killing him with just a sling and a stone, became
the first king of Judea and Israel. He had the
reputation of being a poetical womanizer, on
account that he wrote many beautiful songs and
psalms that resulted in him having an unconscious
number of con-cue-bines - some of them
broke their bones, they were in a such a hurry to
get to him.
Solomon, his first born
succeeded him. But unlike his father, he reigned
with poise - this has nothing to do with poison,
even if the ancient Greeks and, later on, the
Romans, especially the ladder, loved to
slip poison powders in the chalices of their kith
and kin or their enemies in order to take power.
King Solomon was highly respected for his sense
of justice and his wisdom.
I love the story of the two
women who pulled each other’s hair and ears,
almost tearing them off, because each one of them
claimed to be the mother of the same baby.
Before there was a real
murder, they were both brought in front of the
king. There, they weren’t allowed to fight,
so they just hurled insults to one another,
saying:
“It’s my baby,
you claim it because yours died and you don’t
want to admit it”.
Seven forks and ding dong,
till it gave the king a bad headache, coz they
were screaming so loudly and spitting, producing
drizzle around them.
“Will you stop your
rigmarole, the two of you! Shut up and listen to
me!” King Solomon commanded, “Will you
be satisfied if I give you each half of the baby?”
“Wa wa da ye mean?”
asked the two mothers at the same time.
“I mean, I shall cut
the baby in two so that you’ll both be
appeased.” he replied.
One of the mothers suddenly
beamed and shouted: “Yeah do that, your
majesty!”
When the king lifted his
spade and was about to split the baby in two, the
other mother gave out the wail of a wounded
lioness and became spastic.
“Noooo, don’t
… give the baby to that witch, let it live,
even in those terrible hands.” she bellowed
now like a pregnant cow.
King Solomon knew then that
the bawling woman was the baby’s real mother
and tho her screams almost deafened him, to the
point that he had to slap both of her cheeks to
quieten her down, growling “she … ket (which
in Hebrew means ‘silence’), enough
already!”, he helped her get up, coz she had
fallen flat on her stomach, almost licking the
king’s toes - too ridiculous for words, but
that’s how it was in them olden days when
you wanted to show respect and especially avoid
having your head chopped off.
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