A Misconception
by Bill Tope
Medical
experts tell us that many prenatal factors
influence the development, the maturation and the
birth of the fetus. My own experiences tell
me that environmental factors affect the future
child well before gestation; in fact at the very
point of conception. Though it is
admittedly anecdotal in nature, forthwith is my
evidence:
My first son
was class valedictorian of both his high school
and his university, where he took doctorates in
Biochemistry and Medicine. He is now a
Fellow at a major medical research institution as
well as a practicing physician. He was
conceived during an airing of 60 Minutes.
My eldest
daughter was a spectacular athlete in high school
and later at university. Today she is a
member of the United States Women's Soccer Team.
She has two Olympic medals. She was
conceived, we think, during an episode of ESPN.
My middle son
was editor of his school paper and graduated
summa cum laude from a prestigious eastern
university with advanced degrees in both History
and Journalism. Today he is Washington D.C.
Bureau Chief for one of the most formidable
newspapers in the United States. In his
spare time he pens biographies of American
presidents. He was conceived during an
episode of CNN.
My second
daughter did well in school and moved on to
college where, well, she did well again.
Upon graduation, she married her high school
sweetheart and today they have four beautiful
children, two boys and two girls. Those
scamps! While her husband works as a pediatrician,
she remains at home, raising the children and
keeping house. She is a dynamite cook!
She was conceived during a replay of the old
Donna Reed Show on Nick at Night.
My youngest
son got Cs in everything but P.E. and didn't go
to college. He got his GED two years after
dropping out of high school. Today he sells
burritos and red hots to tourists and lifeguards
in Miami Beach. In his spare time he is a
beach comber and carves curious figures out of
interesting specimens of driftwood. For
extra cash he repairs vintage automobiles.
He was conceived during a rerun of Gilligan's
Island. Or was it an episode of My Mother
the Car?
My last
daughter was Prom Queen at her high school and
voted "Most Popular Girl" three years
straight. Right out of school she became a
fashion model and accrued a fortune on runways
across the globe. She married a famous
financier and they had three attractive--but
ambitious--children. Today they live on a
palatial estate in Denver, Colorado.
As you might suspect, she was conceived during an
episode of Dynasty.
Though my wife and I are quite finished producing
kids, our own children are still in the process
of building their own families. I just pray
they don't procreate during an airing of The
Walking Dead or an episode of The Twilight Zone
or a rebroadcast of any Trump rally. And
please, don't "do it" during Fox News!
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