Abel and Cain
by Albert Russo
Poor Eve and Adam were now
living in the desert where it was hot, barren and
full of bugs, with dangerous animals roaming the
area, leaving so much dung behind them that they
had to stuff their nostrils with cannabis not to
pass out, the complete opposite of the place in
which they were created, a place of eternal
Spring, with birds of all colors, singing better
than Madonna, with the sweet smells of maple
syrup, cinnamon and flowers, with gazelles
licking their hands, and with all the natural
foods that our supermarkets could never cater.
This is what the Balihoo tells us.
Ok, let’s not be too
confrontational, the story is cute, even if it’s
unbabblelievable. I could have written
it at age four, never you mind.
The couple had two boys,
Abel and Cain. Abel was as soft and pure as a
honey-chil’-baby, and took care of his lil
lambs with so much love that they became his best
buddies this side of the scorched earth - this is
what hell must have looked like, without running
water, electricity or aircon.
Adam who preferred Abel to
his brother, made him promise that he would offer
Goddess the best member of his flock. Abel said
yes, of course, he would obey his father and
please Goddess, but that made him cry so much
that he had to use half of the leaves of the only
tree they possessed to wipe his eyes and his nose
- no, he didn’t wipe what you’re
insinuating, you clot!
Cain, on the other hand,
was as jealous as the second best dancer of the
Bolshoi Opera House - which they say has the best
ballet performers in the world; it’s Russian
and it has nothing to do will a ball game for shy
players! - who dreamt of twisting the legs of the
prima ballerina or even of pushing her under the
subway train, in order to replace her.
When they became adults,
seeing how his brother was praying to Goddess,
sacrificing the fattest lamb he owned - Abel was
sniffling while doing this, but mmm …
grilled, it must have had a wonderful perfume. I
wonder if they ate mushed potatoes in them
Goddess-forsaken days - Cain was fuming, on
account that he believed that The Almighty
expected him to offer Her a worthy present, at
least as nice as Abel’s, if not better,
since he always bragged that he was the strongest,
the most intelligent, the most handsome, and so-fork-and-knick-knacks;
and since he had no flock, because he was a lazy
bum, he had to wrack his mushy brain to find
something more impressive than a ‘stupid
white lamb’.
And low and bee hold,
he decided to kill his brother, so he would get
rid of him forever, believing that he would be
the only one Goddess and his parents would love -
as if they could forget Abel -, then too, he
would take over his brother’s flock and
become rich.
|
