ZZZS
by Vincent Barry
My
eyes grow heavy in the red, green, and blue light
of the TV. Have I found the solution to my
insomnia— in a flashlight twenty times
brighter than your ordinary flashlight? A
flashlight that can burn though anything—cardboard,
plastic, metal? A US Army engineer built it to
give Americans the security they deserve when
outside in the dark. Withstands freezing
temperatures and boiling water and flaming hot
fire. Made of military-grade aluminum and the
most advanced LED technology. Strong enough to
cook an egg. And—get this—it has an SOS
function for any emergency situation. This US
Army engineer is destroying the $300 billion
flashlight industry with his device that can
light up an entire city! Analysts predict every
home in the US will have it by 2024. Naturally,
the Army engineer felt compelled to make it
available to the public. He wants as many
Americans as possible to know about this tactical
flashlight to feel secure in any situation. A
true patriot. This is why he decided not to spend
anything on advertising, thereby keeping the
price low and affordable. To cut the price
further he’s selling . . . the. . .
exclusively . . . online . . . but only
today . . . at-at-at a 50% . . . My eyes grow
heavy. . . .
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