The Babysitter
by Hazel
Girolamo
I'm sure Mummy
will be back very soon Ermagard. Why don't we put
tinky-winky down for an eency-weency minute or I
might do something quite desperate.
Lilac! What
are doing? You have a Lego stuck up your nose, well
scissors would not be my first choice. Go and
find the vacuum cleaner. Now who would like to
watch Playschool? You prefer Sesame Street -
for the diverse multicultural challenges they
provide for you to fulfil your utmost uber
potential and give a good grounding for your own
nurturing experience- of course, what was I
thinking?
And what would
you like to be when you grow up Lilac? The
tattooed lady in the circus and Jeremy? A
spiritual guidance counsellor - your parents must
be so proud. How about some lunch? No, Jeremy,
there are no dolphins in this tin. Because I know
there is no dolphin in this tin, its a
Tursiops Trancatus commonly known a the bottle
nosed dolphin - don't try to be clever Jeremy,
its unattractive in a child your age. But I do
see your point Jeremy, baked beans do have pictures of
baked beans on the label and peaches have
pictures of peaches but this is
different Jeremy. All right can the tuna! How
about a cheese sandwich from gluten free only
cows naturally.
No Lilac, I do
not want to burn a purple candle - not even for
world peace. Where did you find that dummy
Ermagard? Little girls wearing leopard print
shouldn't have dummies. It clashes horribly with
your complexion. Lilac, burning incense will not
make me calm me, I don't care if it is
patchouli. You'll only set off the smoke alarm. Again. Jeremy,
that is a novel approach to face painting. A
good little tip for you to remember, is
to let her up occasionally so she can breathe and
anyway paving paint is not suitable for young
skin, go and see if there is any house paint left.
Yes I know that fingers are part of the hand and
the hand is part of the arm and the arm is part
of the - what a well informed child you are!
Oh Mrs Webster,
back so soon? Oh its been delightful,
just delightful. Next week? I am so sorry but I
think my room at the sanatorium should be ready
by then, here's hoping.
Goodbye!
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